When you are reading a book, have you ever looked to see how long till the end of the chapter? You are so into the book that you just want to get to the next chapter and see what is going to happen next? When you notice that its just a few pages away you read just a bit faster or even as much as your eyes want to close to sleep you just keep pushing along to get those last few done so tomorrow you can start that new chapter? I certainly have and that sums u my life at this point. Just want to get onto the next chapter.
Last week was the seminarian retreat for the dioceses and this past Monday I returned to work for my last two weeks. At this point I have 7 days left at my job and on Monday I felt that it really is time for me to move on. That I am ready to move onto my next chapter. I am excited and yet nervous about what is to come. Even though I know its time, there is that sense of bitter sweetness. It is that sense of leaving what you know to what you do not. The past few months really have been a transition and a blending of endings and beginnings. Meeting new people and having new experiences to packing, moving and letting go of things. Some parts have been hard and others easy.
I thought me moving would have been the start of that new chapter but it really is the ending of my job. That is the last thing that holds me to this chapter of my life. I could not continue with my vocation until I walk out the doors at 3 PM next Friday. Pulling out of the driveway and seeing my job in my rear view mirror will be interesting. The second I pull away, the chapter ends, and a new one starts. Then it starts with just another countdown till I move into the seminary. At times I still can not believe I am moving to Philly and going to the seminary. Life certainly will be different for me.
I really do not know what to expect or even how “different” life will be. For once I am just going to go with it and enjoy this time of transition until that new chapter really starts gearing up.
Until next time, God Bless, and enjoy each chapter in your life.
It is just a few hours till I get in my car and drive to the Seminarian Retreat for the Diocese of Trenton. It is unreal to say the least. Last year at this time I really did not see this being in my future. Thought that it was not to be. Now, a year later I pack my bags and will be heading off for the retreat. As that saying goes “ All things are possible with God”. It is sad but I really do need to keep reminding myself of that quote to often. I see it for others but really do not apply that to myself at times.
It is hard to say what I am feeling. Well, to pin point what I am feeling anyway. That seems to be the norm for this past year really. It is a mix of feelings and many happening at the same time. Even extremes of emotions like excited yet nervous, scared but ready..etc.. I have learned more to just go with the feelings then control them or even try and understand them. Must admit that it is a bit freeing at times to just let it go and be in the moment. Not to try and look ahead and lose what is in front or me. A priest said to me about this journey “ Where is the lamp to be placed? Is it at your feet or your head? If by the head it lights the room but when it is at your feet you only see so far ahead. Stay focused as the bible says “ Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path”. We are to stay focused on where we are at that time and for us to see where we will go we must take that step and continue on. You will only see so far and have to trust what is ahead of you and think if you saw the whole journey and not see how God helped you during the hard times think how many times you would just stand in one spot and never move?”
This week will be that step and I can not wait to see where I will be by the end of this retreat. Please keep all the seminarians this week in your prayers.
Until later, God Bless, and keep all seminarians in your prayers each day.
First I know it has been a while since I have posted a new blog and I am sorry but life got a bit crazy with applications and moving. I will get into all of that in a different blog but tonight I wanted to focus on a song that for the past few months helped me stay focused on my vocation. I have to say that some may feel that this is a bit of a stretch but I have found that while many hear a song and think of a relationship with their significant other, many times I relate the song to my relationship with God, Church or my Faith. The song is “ Shut Up and Dance” by Walk the moon. Below is the full lyrics and video at the end of the blog. I have to state that first the “Catholic Church” when it is referenced as gender is female in nature. With that being understood the lyrics to the song will make more sense.
Life for me has revolved around my vocation and everything that goes along with it. The applications for both the diocese and the seminary, psychological tests and interviews, meetings, moving and packing, etc....... it has been a whirl wind at times and even to the point where I felt that my life was no longer my own anymore. I don’t know when that shift happened but it hit me these past few months. I understood and knew full well that it is part of what I am doing but when your in the midst of it and it hits, it kind of knocks you for a loop. Then this song came along and it helped me to keep focus on the reason why my life is as it is at this point.
The song is about meeting up with a girl at a club, just going with it, forgoing what is around them, just focus on each other and dance. How do I get being focused on my vocation from that you may ask? It hit me from the first time I heard that song to be honest. I will break apart the song lyrics and explain it that way.
"Oh don't you dare look back.
Just keep your eyes on me."
I said, "You're holding back, "
She said, "Shut up and dance with me!"
This woman is my destiny
She said, "Ooh-ooh-hoo,
Shut up and dance with me."
For me at times during these past few months I would think about forgetting all of it and just stay in the life that I was leaving. In essence looking back to the life I was leaving to follow my vocation. The church is where my eyes needed to be focused on and nothing else. Yet, I was feeling at times how hard it was to continue without the “yes” from the church that all was heading in the right direction. That I was taking many leaps of faith during this time and I know that it is what I should be doing but doubts do settle in and take hold at times. Then she says just “Shut up and Dance”. Have you ever just put aside everything, and I mean everything that is in your head and heart, and just went with it. It is like when your at a party and your song comes on and before the first beat is finished your up and dancing with no regard to what anyone else thinks. Your just living in the moment and enjoying it, your life. That is what I felt like at times also during these months. Knowing and feeling that the church, my vocation to the priesthood, is my destiny. Then when that feeling or notion clicks for me, it is that just “shut up” all of those doubts or questions and just dance with the idea of your destiny.
We were victims of the night,
The chemical, physical, kryptonite
Helpless to the bass and the fading light
Oh, we were bound to get together,
Bound to get together.
The lyrics speak about being taken up in the moment and no matter what else we were bound to get together. No matter what direction my life has taken, it always ends up back to the God, the Church and the Priesthood. This idea of a vocation has always been there no matter how far or close I was to the church. It is like when you see your destination on your GPS but yet for whatever reason you miss it, you know a better way then the GPS, you want to take the longer route or even realize you are getting to your destination before you are ready to be there (party starts at 4pm and its 3:45pm, so you of course need to kill some time till). It was bound to happen. This decision to discern my vocation and respond to what I feel was bound to happen because those feelings never diminished in my life but grew. I could not ignore that constant voice in my head that I tried to lower the volume or mute at times, well most of the time. The way my life is now was bound to happen.
She took my arm,
I don't know how it happened.
We took the floor and she said,
I can not say how this all happened or why it all happened the way that it did but I know it was always the church that guided me in one way or another. There was always that underlying current of the church that guided me in the direction of my life. I can look back and see where God guided me and where the Church help remind me of where my life needed to be heading vs where it was heading at the time.
Deep in her eyes,
I think I see the future.
I realize this is my last chance
When I am kneeling or sitting in the church, doesn’t matter what church it is, I look around as I pray and I really can see my future there. On the alter I look and think just how it will be to say mass. I look at the confessionals and I wonder what will it be like to hear confessions. My eyes gaze around thinking of all the sacraments that I will be part of.... Baptisms, Marriage, First Eucharist, Reconciliation, Anointing of the Sick, Confirmation and Holy Orders. I never say a future anywhere else in my life but with the church it always was there. When I was away from the church my life did not really have a clear future at all. I am happiest when I am at the church and being a part of that life. I think about being a Priest. How I want to reach out and serve. I can not see my life any differently then the direction I am heading nor, do I want it any other way. Sometimes after the last mass is celebrated, and I am helping close up the church, the lights are all off and I am walking from on end of the church to the other, I just stop in the center bow to Jesus in the Tabernacle and smile. That smile hits my core and I know this is right for me right now. My life is within the Church and I will continue to discern that life and pray it is that of being a Priest. I know this really is my chance to search for my future in the church as I am in the seminary.
I know this song for some may not make much sense or see it as I do but that is the great thing about music. What I get out of it may not be the same as someone else. For me this song has kept me focused on where my life is heading and my future vocation within the church. For me it is time to just “ Shut Up and Dance”.
Until next time, God Bless, and remember to dance with all your heart, mind and soul as you find your own destination and maybe your own vocation within the church.
