Blocked

Blocked? Why?

    I got a text today from a friend asking me "why did I take my blog down?" I had no clue as to what she was talking about and so I did some quick checking to find out my blog was blocked and that it was because some spam finder found some issue with my blog. I went through and asked for them to recheck it and in the email it said it can take as long as two business days to be back up after they review. Me being Me starts right with well maybe this wasn't supposed to be. That yet again I was wrong in what I felt God was asking. It wouldn't have been the first time. As I later explained the situation to my friend she said " Since you can't post maybe till Monday then you should still write each night and save till you can because there is no reason for this". It was odd because I had a dream that my blog would be closed and had a feeling that something was going to go wrong with it. Again I figured it was just to be. 

    I started to think on how odd of all things that the blog is blocked from people. That has been what I was writing about. Things in life being blocked and needing a bypass to get by. Now this is happening.  I kind of had to laugh at it. When I submitted my request for review, it also then allowed people to see the blog but they had to now agree that they felt the blog was fine and had to press the proceed button to go to blog. I chuckled again at this because I thought again in a blog I said you have to agree for God to use you. 

       I have talked about things blocking me from getting to where I feel I need to be but there is also another kind of blocked in my life. God was blocked out of my life for so long. No matter way He was trying I was setting up road blocks for Him. I had all of the roads to my heart blocked from Him to getting through. I also had all the roads blocked to my brain as well. There was no way He was going to set my mind on Him or my Heart. 

      The thing is, He never stopped trying. He has never thrown in the towel or raised the white flag and surrendered. He just kept, well...... “recalculated” another way to get my attention. I can look back now and see those times very clearly and how I stood there with my arms folded saying “not happening”.  Once you start letting the blocked passages to your heart open He fills them up with His mercy and grace. That mercy and grace will act like a rush of water clearing and cleansing those blockages and washes them away. It is an overwhelming feeling and it knocks the breath out of you as it happens. The best way is to just relax and go with the flow.

    Yes, I said go with the flow and relax. I am learning to relax again with God and Jesus. They are no longer blocked from my life nor are they allowed in on certain aspects of my life. It is all open for them. I need this cleansing in my life, so I can again feel all that I need to feel. I have blocked so many emotions for so long and it is freeing when you realize that all those feelings that you have held in are just being taken in that great flood of grace and mercy. 

      It is only through the grace of Jesus that I am able to say with all my heart, mind and soul that I need Him in my life and without Him my life is a mess. I have been finding that as those blockages have been washed away that the anger and hurt is what held those blockages together. I am not as angry with God or Jesus. Yes, I am still a little bit but it is so far less then it was just months ago. There has been some progress and I can see it and feel it in me. It may not be seen that much by others but that is also a work in progress.

    If you are blocking God and Jesus, find out what is holding that blockage together. Is it Hurt? Anger? Fear? Selfishness? Then once you do, ask God to take it from you and work on it. Once it starts to give way, get ready for that flood of grace and mercy. It is very refreshing. 

Until tomorrow, God Bless, and if you are blocking God from areas in your life, invite Him in and He will bring His mercy and grace.

Just Words

Just Words?

      Tonights blog was hard to come up with. I tried to come up with the words to write and nothing was flowing. Every time I started to type out words I would be distracted or my mind would wander and I would be at a lost for words. Anyone who knows me would find it hard to imagine me not able to find words to write or speak. That is why it is a lot later then I would have liked to have done todays blog. It was getting to the point that I figured , “ Ok, maybe there just will not be a post tonight.” I really didn’t like that but I couldn’t just write something that I wasn’t feeling was right either. 

       Then I decided to try and open the bible and maybe something would spark an idea. I stared down at the page I open to and just kept turning back and forth in the bible, and searching for a word to pop out at me. Again nothing was coming but then, I realized that to a lot of people the Bible is just words. Nothing more, Nothing less. It is no different then other books in Barnes and Noble, but to others it is life. That in these words people find salvation, their faith, their beliefs, their peace and comfort. The bible offers so much to so many people and yet so few ever really read it. 

      I read the bible from cover to cover when I was starting to come back to God the first time in my early 20’s and I have to honestly say that while it peaked my interest, it didn’t do much for giving me faith or made me believe any stronger. It wasn’t until I was ready and opened my heart and started to feel some kind of faith in my life, that the bible became more real for me. A real instrument that helped me along to get to know God and Jesus. They were just words on a page at first but now they are the living word of God and Jesus. I find answers to questions and prayers in the Bible. Some people from the start may find the bible as their main instrument to understanding God and others. like myself, find it after they have formed a connection. 

      People can read the same passage in the bible and get different things from it and even read the same passage later on and get something different from it then. It is rather amazing when you think about how many different people God used to write the different books in the bible. Each person was touched by the hand of God to write the history, the stories, the faith of His people. They were not always the elite of the community or what some would say were the holiest of holiest. God used them as they were to get his message to His people.  Each of the Gospel writers were used to speak to a different audience. Some were speaking to the Jews, others to the gentiles. 

       It is like how I was saying yesterday that God will meet you where you are, He did the same when He picked the people to write His words down. These people spoke to a group of people where they were in their stations in life. He didn’t just speak to one group of people, He wanted all to hear and come to know Him. 

       I think I needed to be reminded that these are not just words that I am using to express what I am feeling but they are my personal faith in what God and Jesus has done in my life. We are all asked to share the faith and our faith. We are not to just keep it for ourselves. Imagine if the writers of the Gospels decided to keep what they saw, heard and felt to themselves. 

        When we speak or write about God, faith, Jesus, beliefs, etc... we are not just using words, we are using our hearts and souls. We are putting what our soul sees and heart feels.  It is in that opening we are able to show others God and all that is from Him. You never know when someone may hear your words or read your words that a spark  may start in their hearts. 

Until tomorrow, well due to lateness, Until later today God Bless, and look for those words that speak to you.

Recalculating

"Recalculating"

A few days ago I said to a friend that I am at that stage where If I was a GPS I would be recalculating. That really is the best way that I can explain what I am feeling. Some where along the way I missed my turn off and got lost. Now I am waiting to finish recalculating and get back on track. 

    I know when I am driving and somehow I miss the turn off and I hear that voice say “ Recalculating” I get so annoyed because I know if it doesn’t recalculate fast enough  can be missing the next turn because it finished just as I was passing it and now we are back to “Recalculating”. Maybe what we have to do is to stop and wait till it is done before we just continue on. This could save some aggravation, well for me for sure. 

    For once I am not just going my own way and figuring out what I think the GPS “aka” God wants me to do. I am waiting to hear and see what the route is that He wants  me to take. The best way for me to take that will get me back on the road to Him. The great thing about going back to God is that He is not asking you to come back to Him in only one way. We have options. Just like on a GPS we can ask for the route that avoids toll roads, that are the shorter distance or the quickest route. God does the same. He starts us off on the route that He knows we can follow. He starts the journey where we are, and not where we should have been. 

      It is comforting that He knows just where we are and always knows where we are at every moment. God will meet us right where we are and doesn’t push us to go faster or slows us down. We are able to go the speed we need to go. 

      This idea of recalculating also goes along with the idea of the “Bypass” that I talked about a few days ago. When their is traffic or an accident we are rerouted by the GPS and God will do the same. He will help us get around those blockages and obstacles along the way so we are still moving to our destination. That we don’t just have to wait and stare out the window waiting for our chance to move on. 

       The key to this “Recalculating” is that we are ready and willing to listen. You may not feel that you are ready or that this isn’t your time but if the thought is there so is God. There is a reason why you are thinking of it. Thinking of trying again or maybe for the first time to head out on this journey.  

        Over a month ago I was visiting family in up state NY and I was using my GPS and I was trying to get to where I was staying and it had me turn down a dirt road and I couldn’t believe it knew of this road let a lone the name of the road. I would have never turned down this road because it was all dirt and taking me off this nice paved road. I was glad it did. I saw some amazing scenery and got some great photographs from this turn. If it was up to me I would have continued on the paved road and missed out. God will do the same for us. We may be asked to do something that we are not sure on but you never know what you can get out of it. If we continue on those safe and easy roads we can miss out on some great opportunities in our lives. 

        I am also trying to just let the next part of my journey be a mystery. I am not trying to look at the list of directions and figuring out what is coming next. I am just taking it one turn at a time and enjoying it as I am going. This is not something I normally do. I have to know every part and then question “ Why is the GPS taking me that way”, “ This doesn’t make sense”. I am just going to say ok and go with it. I know I will not be looking at my GPS the same now. 

   Until tomorrow God Bless, and turn on your GPS and see where He takes you. 

Caution

Caution

    I was thinking about the bypass route today and even with that there is still work to be done. It isn’t as intense as to take that blockage away but still work.  The bypass is under construction and in reality so am I. I think that is something I need to hang somewhere in my home or carry it with me to remind me. 

    I tend to be hard on myself. My expectations are always high and I am very rarely ever satisfied by what I do. Even with this blog, I am very critical and after posting I read it over and over thinking how it should have been better, maybe I wasn’t as clear about this or that, and will people understand what I wrote. 

    If I keep that message “ Under Construction” with me, it will remind me that at this moment in time I am the best I can be and yes in a year, a month, a day, even an hour from now I can be better then I am now but that right now I am what I am supposed to be. I may not be better even in the next min but I have to be honest with myself and see that I will trip and stumble but it is in the getting back up, the regaining my balance is where the grace of Jesus will be to help me. 

    There are some days that I may get a lot of work done and the next not as much for whatever reason and thats ok. This took me 5 years to get to this point and it will not be done over night.  Lets face it, road construction never ends when they say it will end. Don’t set time limits for yourself. 

     I also think just as we see signs saying road construction will start on ..... , we may want to share that we are also going under construction. Let the people close to you know that you want this, they maybe able to help you through this. They may know ways to strengthen your foundation. I am not saying tell the world but just those who can understand and relate to what you are trying to do. 

      One thing also to understand that sometimes during construction there are problems that may come up that may set us back or need to fix before we can move on. That is just something that comes with it. Don’t let it be a reason to give up or say this isn’t worth it. If you deal with these issues as they come up, then you will not have to worry that they are under that foundation and will crack and shift your bypass and your back to that blockage. This is again something I have to remember. I am good for throwing my hands in the air and saying “ Ok, too much I am done.” Then walk off and leave all that I have worked on to crumble. 

       I don’t mean to be a downer by saying there is always going to be work with this life but lets face it. We are always under some kind of construction. There is never going to be a time that we are not asked to expand our road, fix some pot holes, resurface the road, etc.... But with all this work, we get so much more. We get God and Jesus’ grace and in the end, I hope to hear “ Well done my son. The road you built got you to Me” from God. 

  Until tomorrow God Bless, remember to put your hard hat on and start building.

Whats the hold up?

What's the hold up?

   Today I went to visit a good friends husband, who also is a good friend, in the hospital waiting to have coronary artery bypass surgery. After spending some time there and grabbing a quick bite to eat I was heading home thinking about the details of what the bypass surgery will entail. It sounds so simple yet it is very detailed and complicated. Just the over view seems simple, ok there is a blockage so we can just reroute the blood flow into another vein and bypass that blockage. Then somehow this turned into thoughts on how I need to do this bypass with areas of my life. 

      There are spots in my faith that are blocked by my own insecurities, my sins, my unwillingness to open myself up, my personal demons, my unworthiness, as well as other blockages. I am thinking that maybe it is not for me to unblock these areas but to bypass them. To find a route that goes around those areas and gets me further along so I can work on getting my heart stronger for Jesus and God. So that when I see what Jesus and God wants to see in my heart, that I am not missing out because I am still blocked by what I have put there. This is not saying that those blockages are ignored but they were not put there by Jesus but was put there by me. 

       Also by doing the bypass I am restoring that blood flow that restores my strength to my heart and soul. There is nothing blocking that strength that I can get from Jesus and God when that bypass is in place. . It is free flowing. I see this with my friend. She has that free flowing strength from God and Jesus that strengthens her during hard times. Believe me she isn’t someone that has led a charmed easy life so there wouldn’t be any reason not to have some blockages and in need of a bypass but she has never let those things block her from that constant flow. She has constantly worked on keeping those paths clear to Him. 

         Also I think that bypass for me will also need to involve bypassing those things that pull me away from the life I want. To bypass those areas, places and maybe people  that tempt me to sin. If I am bypassing that temptation that draws me into those sins that pushes me further away and off my path then I need to avoid those areas. If it causes sin, bypass it and move on. 

         Something that I know I need to be clear on is that bypasses can also add some travel time. So, if I am not where I wanted to be at the time I wanted to be at by, then I need to learn to accept it. After all as the saying goes “ It’s not in my time but in God’s time”. Now, that will be a challenge for me. I do like things done in my time but I will have to learn to be patient. That is not a virtue I posses at all. 

          I feel that starting those bypasses I have to change my normal routines. For years God and Jesus wasn’t part of that daily routine. They need to be. Once the bypass is in place and ready to be used then it will come easier but until then I am under construction. 

        This is a new thought for me, this bypass road theory and I am still wrapping my head and heart around it. Forgive me if this wasn’t a clear cut blog and also this theory may be revisited when it is clearer to me. A bible quote came to me as I was writing this about “ all things new” and I found it in the bible. 

“The one who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” Then he said, “Write these words down, for they are trustworthy and true.” “~ Revelation 2:5

       Jesus makes all things new. Find a way to ask Jesus to help renew yourself. I am sure going to need Jesus to help build this bypass with me to get to my heart. I need His strength and love to see it through. 

Until tomorrow, God Bless and if you feel you are blocked find a bypass and take it. 

Worship

Worship

    I have always thought of Worship as what we do when we are with others but I am starting to see that there is also a personal worship. What you do when you are alone and you are approaching God or Jesus that is, personal worship. I was looking in the bible for worship and I came across this.

“But the hour is coming, and is now here, when true worshipers will worship the Father in Spirit and truth; and indeed the Father seeks such people to worship him. God is Spirit, and those who worship him must worship in Spirit and truth.” ~ John 4: 23-24

 When we are worshiping God we are just being asked to do this in spirit and truth. He is not saying you have to do it a certain way but be true in it. I am trying to find the best ways I can worship Him in my life. Before I get into the ways I am trying, I think I have to share what I think the purpose of personal worship is to me.

     I think when we are looking to worship God, Jesus and the heavens we are seeking to be closer to God and Jesus. That we are opening our hearts so that God and Jesus can enter and help change our hearts. To make our hearts open to hear the messages we are to hear, the life that we are to be living and strengthen the relationships in our lives. We want to show God that we are ready to listen to Him. 

      During personal worship we also are seeking to grow in our faith and grow in understanding of the catholic (christian) life. I know for me that I need that personal time to work on my faith. It just can not be on Sunday at mass and I am good for the week. The daily worship is what I have been working on. My faith will not grow if I just practiced it for an hour but also I just can’t only have that personal worship either. 

       I am an Aural Learner. I learn best by listening to others talk about faith and have a dialog about faith as well. It is in that give and take I find God speaking to me. That is also why music has always played an important part of my faith. I identify with songs and apply them to what I am thinking and feeling. The exchange of thought and faith with others makes me look deep inside myself  and find those answers to the questions that come up when discussing with others. 

       My personal worship time includes listening to christian music, reading the bible, praying, writing the blog and what I feel is the most important, just listening. Trying not to think about the hundred of things I need to do but just to try and hear the message of God. I wish I could say that I get these great messages every day but that is not the case. I don’t think I should be either. I have to learn again to trust in God and Jesus. If I was given something all the time then I will expect it and I think that was part of my issue before. I expected things, instead of being thankful for what I was given. 

    Take the time and find your personal worship style. Try to find what makes it true for you. Don’t do things that don’t feel right to you. Jesus said “ worship in Spirit and Truth”.  When you worship in truth, you will start with an open heart and your faith will start to grow. I am still trying to find my personal worship style. 

  Until tomorrow God Bless, seek to worship Him and in worship you will grow.

Witness to Faith

Witness to Faith

 Tonight I went to a play about St. Maximilian Colby at a local church. I was debating all week about going and I have to admit at first when I got home from work all I wanted to do was sit on the sofa and crash. After some great debating in my head I got ready to leave. I didn’t know what to expect from it. I admit that while I have heard of St. Maximilian Colby, I didn’t know to much about him. 

    St. Maximilian Colby was a priest that laid his life down, so another man could live and founded the Immaculata Movement devoted to Our Lady. He had such passion and devotion to Mary that he created a magazine entitled “ The Knight of the Immaculata”. I was so impressed and inspired by tonights play. 

    When I heard him say that he wanted to create a magazine to bring Mary and the church into the homes so people can be reached by God, I was hooked into what he was all about. He wanted to spread the word and love of God, Jesus and Mary. This is also the reason why I started the blog. I hope to be able to reach people and share my faith journey.  I think I was supposed to hear that tonight. That this idea of reaching people that you will never meet or ever know who is reading what you write is a blessing. I am not saying its a blessing to them, but a blessing to me that I am able to do this. I am getting so much out of doing this blog. 

     Don’t get me wrong, I hope and pray that all of this will glorify God in some way and that people start to share their gifts and faith with others as well. St. Maximilian was an ordinary man that just wanted to share his faith with the people who would listen. He stepped out of the box and put himself out there. When he did this people were touched and listened. 

     This is what we are called to do. Faith is to be shared. We are called to be witnesses to our faith. It comes in different ways to each of us as to how we witness to our faith. Think of how you are a witness to your faith? What ways are you being asked to be a witness? 

      Being a witness will not always be an easy road to walk at times. You are testifying to what you know is the truth. It can end up being a trial for you as you bear witness to your faith. Some people may turn from, some may condemn you, some will try and trip you up, and some will sit down and want to listen. 

       I am trying to bear witness to what I have always known is the truth. This is a start for me with the blog but trying it when I am not in front of my keyboard and screen is where I have to bump up my game. Some people who only know me for the past five years didn’t know this was a major part of my life. Now people are finding out. It is out there that I am trying to get back to God, my Faith and to the church. When some people start to comment about it, I take a deep breath and wait for the criticism but so far it has been very positive. 

      You never know who’s life you can touch by sharing your faith. I think it is good that we will not know every person you may touch because this just makes you keep going. I want to share what I know and I want to hear what other people want to share. St. Colby did this. We can also. It doesn’t have to be as grand as a magazine but just a simple God Bless, a kind word to someone who is hurting, or saying you will pray for them. Those simple ways plant seeds in people and you never know when it can take root and grow. 

     Until tomorrow God Bless, and find a way to witness to your Faith.