Today is the 7 year anniversary of the passing of my mother. As the past years, today was not an easy day as you can guess or imagine. Yet, there was a difference today. A very clear difference. This is the first year that I attended mass on the anniversary. I must explain that my mother passed away while I was at Sunday Mass. This of course was the start of my disconnect with God and as time passed it become a larger wedge that ended up severing my connection with God about 3 months after my mother’s passings.
As the years passed by and the anniversary came around that pain and anger would cement that wedge in place and made sure that any crack or shifting that happened would be repaired with the new pain and anger. This way that wedge would stay in place and I would not have to face God for another year. Last year was the first year where I can say that pain and anger was not as strong so it did not cement that wedge in place. That was because as I would say God and I were on speaking terms again. Everything was not ok per say but it was better then what it was.
This year there was a major change. I got up and went to mass and I even asked people to say a prayer for my mother today. That is something I did not ask for since the day my mother passed away and I sent out texts asking for prayers. I can honestly say that I felt those prayers today as I woke up, drove to mass, even as I sat through mass and the whole day. There was no anger today as I woke. There was still pain but that pain felt different then before. It wasn’t wrapped up in anger but was wrapped up in prayers. Prayers for the most important person that I ever had the blessing of not only to know but have the honor of calling Her “Mom”... It was the first time that I ever felt that connection in a spiritual way. I knew without a shadow of doubt that my anger was gone and that once again my mother’s soul was being called out in prayers to a God that never forsaken me or condemned me but loved me through all that anger and pain. He took a lot from me and never turned.
At mass today that connection to my mother’s soul was very clear to me. That love that does transcend from the Heavens to us here on earth. That wedge was there blocking that connection. Not on God’s end but on mine. Knowing that in mass today my mother’s soul and mine connected around the Eucharist, is something that I really can not explain or have someone understand. It is not that this does not happen to us all when we are at mass but those prayers from everyone some how intensified that sensation today. Those prayers lit up the heavens so I could again see with faith in what I know is to be true. That my Mother is alive in Christ Jesus and there will be a day again that we shall meet before God but until that day, I have My Mother watching over me and praying for me in heaven as I pray for her here and every time heaven opens up around the alter, we are together soul to soul as mother and son.
We are able to pray because of our own personal faith. Faith fuels that fire of prayer that rises up to the Heavens and goes before the Alter of our God. I can not Thank everyone enough for their prayers today. Because of those prayers I know I was able to let that anger go and allow God to walk in and remove that wedge. Today was still sad but now having that spiritual connection again has made me whole again. I talk to my mother everyday and knew she was still there by my side but to know and feel that her soul is united in Christ is a feeling that no anger can ever take again.
It has taken me 7 years to get to this point and as I sit here I am uncertain about posting this. Yet, you know I will because you are reading it. :) I want to end with this.... We all will lose people in our lives. Some we kind of know, some are friends, some are family and then there are those people that when we lose them our world just crumbles. My world crumbled 7 years ago and with that I not only lost my mom but lost the ability to keep God in my life and with that a spiritual connection to my mom. I decided to share this because if you are going through this now, please please listen to this... Pray Pray Pray your way out of it. Ask others to Pray Pray Pray as well. I abandoned Prayer and I am not saying it will be easy, because it will not be, but I am saying, there is no better way then prayer. Prayer will not repair that pain and sadness but it will help keep that wedge from forming and anger to cement it in. Do not be like me and let it set for 7 years.
Until tomorrow, God Bless, and pray for me as I will pray for you. God loves you.
Solemnity of Saint Joseph, Spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary
2 SM 7:4-5A, 12-14A, 16
The LORD spoke to Nathan and said:
“Go, tell my servant David,
‘When your time comes and you rest with your ancestors,
I will raise up your heir after you, sprung from your loins,
and I will make his kingdom firm.
It is he who shall build a house for my name.
And I will make his royal throne firm forever.
I will be a father to him,
and he shall be a son to me.
Your house and your kingdom shall endure forever before me;
your throne shall stand firm forever.’”
PS 89:2-3, 4-5, 27 AND 29
R. (37) The son of David will live for ever.
The promises of the LORD I will sing forever;
through all generations my mouth shall proclaim your faithfulness,
For you have said, “My kindness is established forever”;
in heaven you have confirmed your faithfulness.
R. The son of David will live for ever.
“I have made a covenant with my chosen one,
I have sworn to David my servant:
Forever will I confirm your posterity
and establish your throne for all generations.”
R. The son of David will live for ever.
“He shall say of me, ‘You are my father,
my God, the Rock, my savior.’
Forever I will maintain my kindness toward him,
and my covenant with him stands firm.”
R. The son of David will live for ever.
ROM 4:13, 16-18, 22
Brothers and sisters:
It was not through the law
that the promise was made to Abraham and his descendants
that he would inherit the world,
but through the righteousness that comes from faith.
For this reason, it depends on faith,
so that it may be a gift,
and the promise may be guaranteed to all his descendants,
not to those who only adhere to the law
but to those who follow the faith of Abraham,
who is the father of all of us, as it is written,
I have made you father of many nations.
He is our father in the sight of God,
in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead
and calls into being what does not exist.
He believed, hoping against hope,
that he would become the father of many nations,
according to what was said, Thus shall your descendants be.
That is why it was credited to him as righteousness.
MT 1:16, 18-21, 24A
Jacob was the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary.
Of her was born Jesus who is called the Christ.
Now this is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about.
When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph,
but before they lived together,
she was found with child through the Holy Spirit.
Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man,
yet unwilling to expose her to shame,
decided to divorce her quietly.
Such was his intention when, behold,
the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said,
“Joseph, son of David,
do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home.
For it is through the Holy Spirit
that this child has been conceived in her.
She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus,
because he will save his people from their sins.”
When Joseph awoke,
he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him
and took his wife into his home.
Each year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the feast of Passover,
and when he was twelve years old,
they went up according to festival custom.
After they had completed its days, as they were returning,
the boy Jesus remained behind in Jerusalem,
but his parents did not know it.
Thinking that he was in the caravan,
they journeyed for a day
and looked for him among their relatives and acquaintances,
but not finding him,
they returned to Jerusalem to look for him.
After three days they found him in the temple,
sitting in the midst of the teachers,
listening to them and asking them questions,
and all who heard him were astounded
at his understanding and his answers.
When his parents saw him,
they were astonished,
and his mother said to him,
“Son, why have you done this to us?
Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.”
And he said to them,
“Why were you looking for me?
Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”
But they did not understand what he said to them.
He went down with them and came to Nazareth.