Sunday, September 1, 2013

A Year Later

A Year Later

   WOW!!! It has been a year yesterday that the blog started. There has been 286 posts and it has been viewed 20,167 times. When I started the blog I did not know how it was going to work, what was I going to talk about or what I was going to share and how long it will last. It has been a year of ups and downs and a year of a deeper understanding of who I am and who I want to be. There has been some struggles and some triumphs. I have debated in my head how to mark that one year anniversary of the blog and also of me returning to the “Life”. The best way I feel is to express how this year has been and what a blessing it has been. 

      Where to begin.... First I want to Thank Everyone who took time out of their day to check in on the blog. It means a lot to me. “Rediscovering the Journey” is exactly how I would sum up the year. My faith was not gone but it was like an old box you find as you are cleaning out the closet. You open it and you see pictures and they remind you of the times you shared with people and events. There are some souvenirs to remind you of the places you went. Each of those brings back memories  and reminds you of who you were at the time and what you did. It was the same with my faith. It was easier to get back to those feelings because they were still part of me. I just had to “rediscover” them.  Once that happened things started to fall into place for me and God. 

     It was amazing to be back in the pews and making strides each day. Getting back into bible study rekindled my love of learning about the faith and continue on with the knowledge that was out there. I never thought I would be back at my old parish and becoming involved again but it was a big part of who I was for a very long time. It feels good being back and feeling of belonging again. I feel that I matter in a spiritual way again. 

      I had a great experience going on a silent retreat, something that was outside of my comfort zone. When we challenge ourselves, we can be rewarded by growth. I left that weekend with a deeper sense of who I was in God’s eyes and left some baggage behind. The Trinity became stronger and Mary started to play more of a roll in my prayer life. My prayer life was enhanced by exploring a more “holy life”. Leading a Holy Life is not an easy life at times. I pushed my limits and tried new ways to be closer to the Trinity, the Church, Saints and Mary. Attending daily mass this summer when I was off brought a deeper need of the Eucharist in my life. Adoration has also helped bring that silence I needed to settle my mind so I can listen to my soul. Try new ways to experience your own personal faith. Expand your self and embrace a new prayer life. For me this is where I have grown more then any other area. 

     Well, I am going to share something that maybe some have picked up on from the blog but I have never came right out and shared this. Half way through this year there was a pull I was feeling again, and that is a call to Discern the Vocation of being a Priest. Whew.... said it. It may not be much of a shock because someone I know says “ How could anyone not read some of the things you write or post on Facebook and not think this?” It has been a very personal struggle and at this point I still do not have a definitive answer. It goes back and forth from thinking there is no other life I want to maybe it is just a career in the church that I am seeking. I have not shared this because I didn’t want the added stress of people asking me what was I going to do. The reason why I am sharing this now is because I feel that this has been a major part of my year and not to acknowledge it means I am hiding a part of my journey. This discernment has made me dive deep within myself, to challenge myself, to expose my personal demons, to seek my strengths and weaknesses. I will admit that this process has brought me to tears and other times a joy that I can not explain. It has made me look in the mirror and sought out the man that I was, I am, and I will be. Not just through my eyes but God’s eyes. The man I see is not the man that God see’s at times. A big part of the blockage for me is my past. It hangs around my neck as that albatross and weighs me down. Where God looks past my past and sees the man I am becoming, I see the man that walked away, sinned over and over, and not a man that should even consider wearing the collar. I am not 100% sure on my decision at this point but either way I hope and pray that I am doing God’s Will and not fear either life but embrace it. I ask if you can keep me in prayer and that I see the man God see’s and not who I feel I am. 

    As I said this has been a year of ups and down and tears and joys. Thank you for traveling with me along this path of life. I am blessed to have found my way back to a life in the bright light of the Faith. There is no place I rather be. 

Until tomorrow, God Bless, and may our paths forever cross on our journey to Heaven. 

1 comment:

  1. Well...I'm glad you said it out loud cuz, after reading this page and hearing some of the way you think, I've wondered why you didn't enter seminary (didn't have the nerve to say it but...). I can only say that God loved you during your "past" and continues now in your "present" so His future involvement is pretty much guaranteed. You are who you are because of your past (and that's a good thing). You did the learning (you know - all things happen for a reason) - be present in the day you have because that's all any one of us has and continue...