When I heard the song “Live with Abandon” by Newsboys, I thought that is how I want my life to be. I want to be like the Apostles that left all and turned over everything to follow Jesus. It is wanting my life to count, each and everyday with regards to the Trinity and my Catholic Faith. That “Abandon” that the songs speaks of is that complete surrender, turning everything over, and not looking back but forward. Allowing Jesus to lead and guide us.
I have come to a place in my life, that the world itself does not fill me but instead makes me feel empty. It really has most of my life. I filled it with things and people that only seemed to satisfy me but so much of the world now makes me tired. There seems to be a trend with myself with pulling back from the world. There is a feeling of not wanting to be so wrapped up in it. Things that I would focus on or stress over have faded.
There is one line of the song that hits a nerve for myself. The words “ A higher calling that I missed” have been felt for me for a long time on and off. There is a burning in my soul for a long long time that I wanted to serve Jesus and the Church. I wanted to be part of spreading the “Good News” and the Faith. Things changed and that got lost and buried for a long time. Now I wonder if that “calling” was missed and now there is something different for me. Does Jesus say “ You missed that option I had before you and now you can not go back to it” or “ You had that option and its lost”. Maybe it is not missed but still waits for me to abandon this life.
I am trying to discern that complete abandon in my life. Is that abandon one that brings me to the Priesthood or work within the Church? It is an internal struggle for me at this point and I want to make the choice that is right. Each one of us are called to abandon ourselves. It may not be in the same way but turning over our hearts is that key factor.
It is not looking back, your done with what you were doing and all that you want to do is give it all to Jesus. That is a life of abandon. What is it that you need to abandon and be able to give all to Jesus? Turn off the world and really ask yourself that and why is that holding things up for you. I know I have been doing this almost daily and day by day things become clearer. I know life has changed and some parts I have abandoned and there are still more to abandon.
Until tomorrow, God Bless, and when you abandon thing of this life you will gain more from Jesus.