Witness to Faith

Witness to Faith

 Tonight I went to a play about St. Maximilian Colby at a local church. I was debating all week about going and I have to admit at first when I got home from work all I wanted to do was sit on the sofa and crash. After some great debating in my head I got ready to leave. I didn’t know what to expect from it. I admit that while I have heard of St. Maximilian Colby, I didn’t know to much about him. 

    St. Maximilian Colby was a priest that laid his life down, so another man could live and founded the Immaculata Movement devoted to Our Lady. He had such passion and devotion to Mary that he created a magazine entitled “ The Knight of the Immaculata”. I was so impressed and inspired by tonights play. 

    When I heard him say that he wanted to create a magazine to bring Mary and the church into the homes so people can be reached by God, I was hooked into what he was all about. He wanted to spread the word and love of God, Jesus and Mary. This is also the reason why I started the blog. I hope to be able to reach people and share my faith journey.  I think I was supposed to hear that tonight. That this idea of reaching people that you will never meet or ever know who is reading what you write is a blessing. I am not saying its a blessing to them, but a blessing to me that I am able to do this. I am getting so much out of doing this blog. 

     Don’t get me wrong, I hope and pray that all of this will glorify God in some way and that people start to share their gifts and faith with others as well. St. Maximilian was an ordinary man that just wanted to share his faith with the people who would listen. He stepped out of the box and put himself out there. When he did this people were touched and listened. 

     This is what we are called to do. Faith is to be shared. We are called to be witnesses to our faith. It comes in different ways to each of us as to how we witness to our faith. Think of how you are a witness to your faith? What ways are you being asked to be a witness? 

      Being a witness will not always be an easy road to walk at times. You are testifying to what you know is the truth. It can end up being a trial for you as you bear witness to your faith. Some people may turn from, some may condemn you, some will try and trip you up, and some will sit down and want to listen. 

       I am trying to bear witness to what I have always known is the truth. This is a start for me with the blog but trying it when I am not in front of my keyboard and screen is where I have to bump up my game. Some people who only know me for the past five years didn’t know this was a major part of my life. Now people are finding out. It is out there that I am trying to get back to God, my Faith and to the church. When some people start to comment about it, I take a deep breath and wait for the criticism but so far it has been very positive. 

      You never know who’s life you can touch by sharing your faith. I think it is good that we will not know every person you may touch because this just makes you keep going. I want to share what I know and I want to hear what other people want to share. St. Colby did this. We can also. It doesn’t have to be as grand as a magazine but just a simple God Bless, a kind word to someone who is hurting, or saying you will pray for them. Those simple ways plant seeds in people and you never know when it can take root and grow. 

     Until tomorrow God Bless, and find a way to witness to your Faith.

Seeds of Faith

Seeds of Faith

He said, “This is how it is with the kingdom of God; it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land and would sleep and rise night and day and the seed would sprout and grow, he knows not how.Of its own accord the land yields fruit, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear.And when the grain is ripe, he wields the sickle at once, for the harvest has come.”

 ~ Mark 4: 26-29

   This is a passage that I would return to time after time. It always amazed me how from such a small object as a seed  can grow things that reach to the heavens and nourish us. We are being told that faith doesn’t start off as this big force in us but it grows just like a seed. As faith grows, so do we. Not every seed that is planted grows and that is the same with faith in us. Faith is something that needs to be cared for and watched after. 

    If we take a handful of seeds and just toss them on the ground and expect to come back to a great crop, then we will be sad to see what we find when we come back. Yes, some will take root and thrive while others if lucky to take root will just wither away and die. The great crop that we were hoping for wont be there for us to use to nourish ourselves with, let alone those around us. It is the same with faith. If we don’t care for the seeds of faith and just hope and expect they will take root and grow we wont be able to rely upon the faith when we are in need of it. 

    One thing that I have found for myself is that once that faith was grown and yielded a stable crop I did harvest it and some seeds were left behind for me to start growing again. I feel that there is more then one harvest of faith for us. It is not a one shot deal but a continuous crop of faith that we have to harvest. Each harvest can be stronger and bigger then before. Same as our faith. As we grow in faith we expand on what we feel and understand. When we expand, we are using parts of the faith we had, to gain more faith. 

     Some years the seeds can yield a huge crop and other years hopefully enough that you can get buy till the next planting and harvest. Same as faith, we can go through times where our faith is growing fast and other times it barely seems like it grew at all. Then also are the times where the faith in us didn’t make it through the storms that year. That for me is the case for the past five years. It didn’t make it and I failed to replant the seeds I got during the excess years to get me by. 

      I didn’t want to work on building that faith then or even try to just hold onto it to just get by. The good thing is that once the seed of faith is planted in our souls then there are always seeds saved to be replanted when we need and ask for it. I think also that from those seeds of faith, that was harvested during a high yield time, we are using strong seeds and is easier for it to take root. 

      Faith is something that needs to be worked on and cared for. It will not grow on its own. 

Until tomorrow God Bless, and don’t forget to water your faith today. 

The Strength of Jesus

The Strength of Jesus

    I saw this cartoon a while ago and it just seemed to fit my relationship with Jesus. Footprints in the sand was always a special poem to me. It speaks of how Jesus never left but carried you when you couldn’t walk any longer. The image of that always seem to comfort me when I was struggling with faith. 

    Now when I saw this I couldn’t help but laugh and say to myself this is definitely true. It doesn’t mean that Jesus drags you without your permission but remember He knows how it will all end up and also He is not about to give up on you. I was also thinking there  should be a few more additions to it for me. There is where I sat down when you had your temper tantrum and kick the sand all over. Here is where I stood when you were looking up to the Heavens yelling. Over there by the rocks is where I sat so you could cry without being seen. Then, here is where I stood with my hand on your shoulder as you fell to your knees to pray and ask if you could come back. 

     Jesus’s strength to be there at every moment both good and bad is unyielding. He doesn’t leave you when you yell or ask Him to leave. Jesus pulled me along these past five years to where I was able to just get up again and start to walk again. I did many things to hurt Him and kept pushing Him away and for Him to just leave me alone. Yet, He took it all and was just there waiting and pulling me along.  Jesus just didn’t do it for me but He does this everyday for everyone. It is not even the physical strength but His heart is so strong that He can take it all and still try to heal us and not worry about the hurt we have caused Him to feel.

      I really wish that I could see this path that I have taken through His eyes. What was He thinking and feeling when things were going on with me? How was He able to keep by my side when I just hammered Him back onto the cross? 

      Part of me would just like to sit down and talk to Him about these past five years and where did I start to go wrong and what happened along the way but I know that what is best is to walk with Him and move on. There will be a day that it will happen and thats something I need to face. I need to understand those five years of being dragged along. 

       He never gave up on me and I know He hasn’t given up on others as well. Sometimes it is hard to understand how Jesus can be so forgiving and welcoming and lose sight of Him with God. 

   Until tomorrow God Bless, and I hope you are able to see the journey you have taken. 

With Great Power comes Great Responsibility

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

  I was saving this blog for down the road but todays events had me reconsider this. Some may remember this quote from Spider Man, “ With great power, comes great responsibility”.. Peter Parker’s Uncle says this to him in the movie. I think this is a very accurate statement for all Christians to take into their hearts and souls. When I wasn’t actively pursuing God. I still knew this was part of me. This message of Him I was given was my responsibility to live and share. It didn’t matter that I wanted nothing to do with that responsibility, I was still going to be held to it because I knew it. 

     There is a deeper connection as well with todays blog because as strange as this sounds spiders and their webs have played some crazy lessons I have learned from God. Yes, spiders are not the cute cuddly image you would think God would use to get a message across but like I have said God knows that way wouldn’t get me to listen but He uses spiders and He gets my attention. 

       About eight or so years when I was very active in my faith and church I was having a hard time letting people in and seeing that God had put people in front of me to help me along the way. A small group of us was leaving after prayer group and one girl walked into a huge web and flipped out. Hands waving, yelling the whole bit. When she did this her rosary ring came off and was lost somewhere in the  grass. It was almost midnight and we kept looking for hours and during this we were talking about what was my problem with letting people in. As the sun was starting to come up I stopped and thought “ This is right in front of us. We are just missing it and its right here”. Then it hit me and I stopped and thought just like some of my friends. They are right in front of me to help and I just didn’t see it. As that thought came out of my mouth , another friend says “I found it. It was right here” and we all looked in that area, it wasn’t hidden in grass, it was just there on the dirt in plain sight. If she didn’t walk into that web, then that lesson wouldn’t have helped me understand what was in front of me. 

        Around that same time, I was sitting outside and I started to watch as this spider spun his web. It was fascinating how they build their webs. So detailed. Everything is attached to one another in some way. Time passed by and I looked again at the web and saw that some part of the trees little twig were stuck in the web and there was another spot where there was a hole. I was looking at the spider waiting for him to fix the whole but instead he went to the twig and cut it out of the web and then went back to the center of the web for a while. Of course I had to say “ What a stupid spider, your should of just fixed when you were there”. Then after some more time he came down fixed the web and was back in the center. This started to get me to think that (at that time in my life) the web is like our lives. We take all this time to make all these connections, build our life off of those connections and try to keep those connections. Then something comes along and causes those connections to fail and we are no longer connected and even sometimes have to cut something or someone out of those connections in our lives to make others stronger. It then occurred to me that as the spider went to the center to wait to repair those wholes in his web, we have to do the same. We need to go to the center of our souls to God to get the strength to repair the damage in our lives and without Him it won’t be as easy to do so. 

   Since those times spiders pop up in my life. It is not always as the insect but could be a picture, the car, the word, etc... If it was  always the eight legged version I don’t think it would be as much of a message as I would start to get freaked out. I know it isn’t a typical way some people would get the message but it does work. Today as I left work there was something on my passenger side mirror but thought it was just a leaf stuck in there and drove home. I needed to go back out and as I was pulling out of my spot, I noticed that leaf was a spider and it was crawling around and then hanging off the mirror as I was driving. It hung on and moved back onto the mirror and when I got out of the car I gently pushed it off and went in the store but as i came out and got in again, there he was again on the mirror. 

    So, I say “ Ok, what’s the message here.” Then i started to think ok, I will post those stories about spiders tonight and then it also seemed to me that the spider was on the mirror that shows you what you just passed and whats coming from behind and side of you. Hmmmm. maybe I have to remember where I came from and not just look ahead because you just don’t know what may come from behind to get you off course. I also think of last week when I went to a christian concert that a spider was crawling on a friend and think, was that just a way of me knowing He is there?

     I know spiders are not the conventional way God would speak to most of us but for some reason it seems to be mine. Maybe I over analyzed it all and it was just a spider but, after each of those times I think of God and it makes me smile and say “ Ok, I hear You and I will work on it”. So, as long as I get a message of change then I am going to go with it. 

      Until the next blog, God Bless and remember know it’s all our responsibilities.

How does God speak to us?

How does God speak to us?

How does God get His message across to you? Do you find Him talking to you as you read the bible, in a person, in prayer or even a song. There are many ways that He speaks to us. Just as in yesterdays blog, the way He speaks will be different for each of us. Some people can miss the huge sign in front of them that says “ God Loves You” but  will hear that message in a song they hear. 

      The best way for me to hear God is to listen to music. Music definitely speaks to my heart and soul. When I started back to Him, the first thing I did was break out some of the cd’s I had of christian artists, loaded them into my iPod and added a christian radio station to my car’s preset stations. I do a lot of thinking in my car as I drive all over the state and surrounding states. That is my down time most of the times. If I am tense or something is bothering me, I get in my car for a drive. Now, with the radio station and iPod I am able to focus on God as I am driving. It helps bring home the messages of God and the life that I want to live. 

       Another way for me to hear God has been thinking on what I should write about in the blog. It starts as thinking then it turns into me asking for God’s help to see what I should be writing about. How the blog came about was, one night I was trying to find a way to share what I am doing to come back to the life of God and Church. Nothing was really hitting me. Maybe I thought I was just to focus on my own faith and not worry about anything else that goes along with it but, for me what brought me closer to God in the past was sharing the journey with others.  I just can’t internalize God for myself, I have to externalize Him as well. I went to bed unsure how to do this. Then I woke up out of a deep sleep and was like I need to start a blog about this. Granted at first I was like “ Did I really need a wake up call on this. Couldn’t it just wait till I woke up myself?” 

      The wake up call was not just about the blog it was God saying “I am listening to you and I want you to do this.” For five years there was no call for me that I answered. I had blocked all the calls from God. I started to look at the caller ID when I was asked to be Godfather but still wasn’t listening to voice mails. Then when I started to listen to the music again, I was hearing the messages God was leaving for me to hear. Now, with the wake up call, I was answering Him and not letting it go to voicemail anymore. There was no more of that feeling to hit ignore. 

        No matter how God speaks to you, take it from me, listen. God will speak to you the best way you can hear Him. We just have to open ourselves to the ways He speaks to us and to look for the ways we hear Him best. 

   

         God Bless and until the next blog, turn up the volume so you can hear God speak.

Hit Hard, Hit Fast or slow and Steady

Hit Hard, Hit Fast or Slow and Steady?

When I finally gave into open the door again with God I had to decide how was I going to approach it. Was I going to just take a slow and steady pace or was the hit him hard and fast the best way. It didn’t take me long to decide. Slow and Steady was never my way nor was I going to start now either. Hitting Hard and Fast was what was going to work for me. I guess I should state the differences for me. 

   Slow & Steady would be taking it day by day. See how each day is and take it from there. Don’t put any pressure on it and just go where I think its best. Maybe just start with mass but don’t force it. Just wait and see how the “Spirit” moves me today. For some people that is what they have to do. Maybe for you, that is how it works and thats great but, for me it’s not my path. 

    Hit Hard & Hit Fast is grabbing the cross, bible, church and running with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. For me it is also making those changes in my life that no matter what direction I am facing there is some element of God there for me to see. To keep Him in the forefront of my vision. To some people that maybe just the outward signs around of God but what matters is what is inside. For me, those outward signs helps me with whats going on inside. Some of those outward signs for me is the cross on my visor , the christian music playing on my radio and iPod, going to christian concerts, changing the pictures on my computer desk top to a cross, etc... Another thing for me is doing this blog. That no matter how crazy my day can be or get I will still stop and sit down and take the time to think about God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Church, Prayer, etc. 

    Find what makes you happy and bring God into that. This way it will be easier for you to do everyday. You like music - check out some christian music. You like to read - read the bible or pick up some religious fiction or books on religion. You like to meditate - use some bible passages to help center you. Remember this is your personal relationship with God, don’t let others tell you how to communicate with Him. That includes me also. What works for me, may not work for you and same with what others do will not work for me. 

      For a long time I tried to fit into the cookie cutter idea of what a Catholic Christian was and is to be. It didn’t work at all for me before and I will not waste my time trying again. God doesn’t want copies of other, He wants us for us. For us to speak to Him, worship Him and honor Him. Now, I don’t mean that we can just do as we please. I even have to remind myself of that at times, but in that one on one time, do it the way that feels right and comfortable to you. God just wants us to enjoy our time with Him, so He can help us in our daily lives. 

      Try and find your way to have Him in your daily life. It will make it easier to go to Him and listen to Him when it is in a way that you are already used to. I would even say try new ways when your ready. I know I am now. Doing a blog about this is a new way for me to keep Him in my daily life and in sight everyday. Till tomorrow, God Bless and find that joy.

Are You sure this is a New Door?

Are You Sure this is a New Door?

         I am a firm believer in once a door is closed, it is to stay closed. There is no knocking or peeking in anymore. It is done and over with. Just keep walking down the hallway till a new door opens. I have closed my share of doors and the biggest door was on God and everything that went along with Him. 

    With my changing thoughts and feelings I thought  “Hmmm maybe just this once I will open that door that I closed. It will be easier this way. Open the door and walk back into the life I had then. The feelings, the love, the care, the thoughts will be back in a second”. Sounds simple, right? Then again I have never done things the simple way. I sat for hours thinking of ways to get that door open again and those hours turned into months. During that time I got a call from a friend that said “ Things are changing here. (my first parish I talked about in yesterdays blog). You should stop by sometime.” I did miss some of the people but I was like that is my past and that door was closed. 

     At this point I was just going to give up. That door wasn’t going to open again so, I got up and turned and there was a new door there waiting for me. Really? Really Now? Could someone not have tapped me on the shoulder and said “look behind you”. Then again, this is me and God sure knows me and I would have said “ Do you mind, I am busy waiting here” and ignored the tap. I pushed the door open a little more and I saw things and people from my past that were locked up behind the other door. I asked God “ Are You sure this is a new door? This can’t be the door for me.” It was like I felt a big gust of wind that not only flung that door open but also pushed me forward to it. 

     I was driving the next day and somehow my car found its way back to my first parish. There in the middle of the road I sat with my blinker on to turn into the parking lot, waiting for the cars to go by. It felt like I had manual steering, it was so hard to start that turn in and I asked for strength. God not only gave it to me but it was like He took the wheel for me. Took a deep breath and got out of my car heading to what was a major part of my past and realized that some of this was going to be part of my present and future.  

     I rang the bell and when a dear friend saw me again her face lit up and gave me a big hug that was so filled with welcoming and love. Then she announces there is a surprise guest and with that I am brought into see another dear friend and she did the same, so loving and even a tighter hug then the first. Right then I knew that God was right this was the door I needed to go through. Yes, there was pain that was there at the parish but there was a lot more love and kindness that lasted almost 8 years later. The first part of my healing started with those hugs and smiles from them. I had to face the place that started the bitterness to the church in my heart. Seeing them and being there at the same time reminded me of all those other sweet times I spent there. The new Pastor was there and we all talked and laughed. It started to feel like it used to again. That pain wasn’t as strong. Since that visit just about 3 weeks ago,  I have been back at mass there for 2 weeks and I know it is where I am to be for at least now. 

      Those two women were always special to me. I do think God kept putting them in my path these past 8 years since I left. I would see the one here and there and we would send messages on Facebook and the other we connected again on Facebook and kept in touch. When my mother passed away I was gone from that parish for over 2 years and didn’t really have any contact with them but they heard of my mothers passing and came to the wake. I turned and saw them and my breath was taken away.  Again here they were, not because of what I was doing for them or what I did do for them at the church but because they cared. I never forgot that. 

      I know this was long and a lot of back story to why I wasn’t sure if it was the right door for me but if it wasn’t for God using both of those women (Ellen & Lisa) then I don’t think I would be saying  this is my 2nd week at mass. I could have still been waiting for that door to open. 

     I learned that God pulled them from behind that door before I closed it and allowed them to continue to be in my life and when it was time used them to help start my healing. God didn’t give up on me. I gave up. 

     If your like me and focused on that closed door, do me and God a favor, Turn Around... You might just find the door that leads onto a new road and a new life that is waiting for you. 

God Bless..... hope to see you on the other side of the door.