Are You sure this is a New Door?

Are You Sure this is a New Door?

         I am a firm believer in once a door is closed, it is to stay closed. There is no knocking or peeking in anymore. It is done and over with. Just keep walking down the hallway till a new door opens. I have closed my share of doors and the biggest door was on God and everything that went along with Him. 

    With my changing thoughts and feelings I thought  “Hmmm maybe just this once I will open that door that I closed. It will be easier this way. Open the door and walk back into the life I had then. The feelings, the love, the care, the thoughts will be back in a second”. Sounds simple, right? Then again I have never done things the simple way. I sat for hours thinking of ways to get that door open again and those hours turned into months. During that time I got a call from a friend that said “ Things are changing here. (my first parish I talked about in yesterdays blog). You should stop by sometime.” I did miss some of the people but I was like that is my past and that door was closed. 

     At this point I was just going to give up. That door wasn’t going to open again so, I got up and turned and there was a new door there waiting for me. Really? Really Now? Could someone not have tapped me on the shoulder and said “look behind you”. Then again, this is me and God sure knows me and I would have said “ Do you mind, I am busy waiting here” and ignored the tap. I pushed the door open a little more and I saw things and people from my past that were locked up behind the other door. I asked God “ Are You sure this is a new door? This can’t be the door for me.” It was like I felt a big gust of wind that not only flung that door open but also pushed me forward to it. 

     I was driving the next day and somehow my car found its way back to my first parish. There in the middle of the road I sat with my blinker on to turn into the parking lot, waiting for the cars to go by. It felt like I had manual steering, it was so hard to start that turn in and I asked for strength. God not only gave it to me but it was like He took the wheel for me. Took a deep breath and got out of my car heading to what was a major part of my past and realized that some of this was going to be part of my present and future.  

     I rang the bell and when a dear friend saw me again her face lit up and gave me a big hug that was so filled with welcoming and love. Then she announces there is a surprise guest and with that I am brought into see another dear friend and she did the same, so loving and even a tighter hug then the first. Right then I knew that God was right this was the door I needed to go through. Yes, there was pain that was there at the parish but there was a lot more love and kindness that lasted almost 8 years later. The first part of my healing started with those hugs and smiles from them. I had to face the place that started the bitterness to the church in my heart. Seeing them and being there at the same time reminded me of all those other sweet times I spent there. The new Pastor was there and we all talked and laughed. It started to feel like it used to again. That pain wasn’t as strong. Since that visit just about 3 weeks ago,  I have been back at mass there for 2 weeks and I know it is where I am to be for at least now. 

      Those two women were always special to me. I do think God kept putting them in my path these past 8 years since I left. I would see the one here and there and we would send messages on Facebook and the other we connected again on Facebook and kept in touch. When my mother passed away I was gone from that parish for over 2 years and didn’t really have any contact with them but they heard of my mothers passing and came to the wake. I turned and saw them and my breath was taken away.  Again here they were, not because of what I was doing for them or what I did do for them at the church but because they cared. I never forgot that. 

      I know this was long and a lot of back story to why I wasn’t sure if it was the right door for me but if it wasn’t for God using both of those women (Ellen & Lisa) then I don’t think I would be saying  this is my 2nd week at mass. I could have still been waiting for that door to open. 

     I learned that God pulled them from behind that door before I closed it and allowed them to continue to be in my life and when it was time used them to help start my healing. God didn’t give up on me. I gave up. 

     If your like me and focused on that closed door, do me and God a favor, Turn Around... You might just find the door that leads onto a new road and a new life that is waiting for you. 

God Bless..... hope to see you on the other side of the door.